35 Deadly sins of One Piece!
by AllHeroesWearHats
Summary: Only attempt options from this list if you are prepared to face the consequences! A one shot of things that you should never do if you want to live with the Straw Hats.


**35 Things that you should never to do if you managed to meet the Straw Hat Pirates. (Only attempt these if you have a death wish. I will not be held responsible for what happens to you) XD**

1.) Don't touch the hat. A very, very stupid thing to do

2.) Don't Insult Luffy's Nakama or their dreams. Very few have insulted them and got away with it.

3.) Don't Insult Luffy's Dream.

4.) Don't Hurt Luffy's Nakama

5.) Don't Hurt or insult Luffy. His crew will kill you.

6.) Don't Tell Zoro his hair resembles grass in any way, shape or form. Unless to want to see his three swords up close and personal, if you do, this one would be recommended.

7.) Don't tell Nami she has anger management problems, you may become her next punching bag.

8.) Don't try to nibble Sanji to see if his swirly eyebrow means he's a devil fruit. Even if you are a woman, he will not be best pleased.

9.) Do not tell Nami or Robin, (especially Nami) what mellorine actually means.

10.) Don't call Chopper a raccoon, a deer, a pet,... basically, he's a huge frikin' reindeer doctor pirate.

11.) Don't forget the above.

12.) Do not damage or insult the ship. Beware of blue haired shipwrights if you plan to do so.

13.) Don't steal Robin's coffee machine. More trouble than it's worth.

14.) Don't try to pull off Brook's afro to see if it's a wig. It's not.

15.) Don't steal the Straw Hats pirate flag. You will die.

16.) Don't practice your fist of love on Luffy. It won't work, no matter how much you love him. He will only get annoyed after the 30th try.

17.) Do not make fun of the old ship, The Going Merry. Usopp's skinny arms will suddenly become stronger than they look as they hold his slingshot, which will be aimed at your face.

18.) Don't paint Zoro's swords with any colour paint. In fact, don't touch them at all.

19.) Do not gamble with Nami. You will suddenly lose all the money you have and will be in more debt than you can ever pay off. Which is dangerous.

20.) Don't stow away on board the ship.

21.) Do not feed Luffy Chopper's rumble balls to see what will happen. The result won't be worth it.

22.) Don't steal Zoro's rum.

23.) Don't steal Sanji's cigarettes.

24.) Don't refill all the cola bottles on board with different drinks to see what will happen to Franky. The results may not be pretty.

25.) Do not steal Brooks's violin.

26.) Do not insult any of the crew's friends or family members if they are within earshot. Or at all really.

27.) Don't try and force random people to join your crew by grabbing their balls.

28.) Do not try and stop pirates fighting by painting your Jolly Roger on their faces. I hear this only works on whales.

29.) Do not shoot Laboon and then tell Brook it was because you thought he was an iceberg.

30.) Do not steal one of Nami's mikans.

31.) Do not question the colour of Zoro's or Franky's hair. Just accept it.

32.) Do not punch random sea kings to see if a mermaid will fly out of its mouth. It's most likely that you will be the one who gets eaten.

33.) Don't ask how Chopper can even hold a needle.

34.) Don't ask how Chopper can do anything else relating to doctoring seeing as he only has hoofs.

35.) Don't take pictures of Zoro and Sanji getting along. It will ruin their image and they will get mad. At you.

**I have seen many like this, so I wanted to have a go with my own points! Let me know what you think or if you have any more that could be added! XD They will be added at the bottom. :P (lol, 29 is a 4-Kids referance I just had to put in!)**

These are from **Kallakkala**:

36.) Don't dress as meat and stand in front of Luffy

37.) Don't tell Hancock that you are Luffy's girlfriend

From **crystalbluefox**:

38.) If you are a man; do not imagine out loud, especially within earshot of Robin, what she would look like in a docking position, creepy feeling and certain death is promised XD

39.) Don't toutch Sanji's hair! Unless you want to die!

40.) Don't ever criticise OR throw out food that the chef of the Mugiwara's has prepared. YOU can end up being on the menu next time!

41.) Don't mention Zoro and babies in the same sentence... I don't even dare think about what could happen to you...(but the sight is so kawaii~!)

42.) Don't say that Zoro looks cute -that'll hurt his pride and break Sanji's heart.

43.) Don't EVER mention dresses and a certain Kama-island to Sanji- you can end up getting a one-way-ticket to said place and a hell of a painfull arse with a footprint of his shoe!

From **Taryn Streambattle:**

44.) Do not fawn on Zoro, insisting that you are Kuina's reincarnation and are  
meant to be together. He will send you to join her.

45.) Do not tell Chopper that unless Luffy is cured of his meat addiction, he will  
die in three days. Also applicable for Zoro and sake, Sanji and  
cigarettes/girls, and Nami and money.

46.) Do not replace Wado with a rubber dagger. Zoro will kill you until you die.

47.) Do not tell Usopp that Kaya is engaged to Captain Kuro. He will either try to  
go rescue her and get shot at again, or die of a broken heart. Or laugh.

48.) Never, ever, tell Ivan that Sanji is an Okama. Sanji will kick you butt (quite  
literally)

49.) Never tell Luffy that if you eat two devil fruits, he will become a ninja. Not  
only will he believe you, the other Strawhats will murder you for killing  
their captain.

50.) Never try to kill Roronoa Zoro. On the very, very slight chance that you  
actually succeed, you will be Gomu Gomu no Rocketed to death. Unless Chopper  
gets there first.

51.) Never give Luffy an orange jumpsuit. He will like it, and the others will  
slaughter you for torturing their eyes.

52.) Never, ever, tell Zoro that Mihawk has decided that (the guard swordsman at  
Impel Down- forgot his name) would be a better successor than him- because he  
"is a marine."

53.) Never tell Robin that the World Government has successfully taken all the  
Polyglyphs and locked them away. She will drag you along to get them out.

54.) Never use Sanji's eyebrow as a dartboard. He will kick your butt. Though you  
might be saved if Zoro's there to see you torture Sanji...

55.) Never tell Nami that Bellemere always hated her and only died for her because  
she wanted to die. Nami will increase your debt by a million beli, if she does  
not murder you with the Clima-Tact first.

56.) Never tell Brooke that Nami and Robin do not wear panties, but that Hancock  
does and is very willing to show him...

57.) Lock Alvida and Hancock in a room and tell them whoever wins the fight will  
win Luffy's heart. When neither of them do, they will slaughter you.

58.) Never tell Hancock that her powers do not work on Zoro. She will hit you, go to see if it is true, and accidentally turn Sanji into stone, then die of a broken heart when Zoro is completely unaffected by her beauty. Then Luffy will kill you because they have to get a new cook. Though you could always use him as a lawn ornament...

60.)Tell Usopp that you're inviting him and Sogeking to a party to give them  
monetary awards for heroism, but will only get the cash if they BOTH show up  
at the same time.

61.) By all means, tie Zoro to a chair and make him watch the 4Kids dub. (If you  
want to die...)

From **Kiarra-Chan:**

62.) Never get near Ace when he has fallen asleep in his food. He will use the clothes you are wearing as a towel.

From **Song of Azure Moon**:

63.) Never tell Zoro that Mihawk chose you as his successor. You won't live even a minute if he believes you.

64.) Never throw water balloons at Crocodile. Getting dried to death by sand isn't a very cool way to die.

65.) Never, ever mention a thing about Buggy's nose when he is near. In fact you should be very quiet and get away from there as fast as possible.

From: **Moon Ecstasy:**

66.) Don't ask Brooke if he ever gets hungry, sleepy or any other bodily function. The answer should be obvious and asking is just rude.

From: **dragonaqua**

67) Never shoot Luffy with a gun, because the bullets WILL bounce off him and  
could kill you. He would also get very annoyed if you do it over forty times.

68) Never ever ever ever EVER use Zoro's swords as toothpicks. They WILL be used  
to slice your head off.

69) Never eat Chopper's Rumble ball unless you are a Zoan type. Otherwise, it  
might not be pretty.

70) Don't eat Luffy's meat. You will be killed.

71) Don't 'accidently' set fire Luffy's hat. You will be killed, be brought back  
to life by Chopper, then killed again.

72) Don't shave Nami's head when she is asleep. You will be killed, fined, AND get  
your a** kicked by Sanji.

73) Don't sink their ship, the entire crew will kill you.

74) Don't huggle Zoro (no matter how kawaii he is *sigh*)

And finally from **Imagaco:**

75) Never make Zoro kiss Sanji (or vice versa) in any way/shape/form.

From**: ****Don'tletthewingsfoolyou: **  
76: Never replace Sanji's cigerrets with lollypops

77: Don't call Zoro Zolo. Ever.

78: Don't write M rated Sanji/Zoro Yaoi then make the whole crew read it

79: Don't write M rated Zoro/Luffy yaoi then make them read it.

80: Don't tease Luffy about Ace. His crew will kill you.

**^-^ thanks for the reviews and ideas!**

**Most of these ideas were sent to me a while ago, but for some reason they didn't upload right. Now however they finally have, and I wish to apologise to the reviewers who were waiting for them so patiently. I never forgot to add you! :D**

**And wow, it's been so long since I've updated/ uploaded anything, I really do plan on getting back into the swing of this fandom eventually.**

**~AHWH~**


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